Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
