I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
