Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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