just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
