I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize