My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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