All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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