if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize