i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
