a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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