Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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