She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
