I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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