yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
