So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
