Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize