I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
