do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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