You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
