I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
