I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize