everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
