When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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