Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
