So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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