Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
