i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize