Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize