Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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