either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
