I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
