Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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