I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize