flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize