you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
