i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
