Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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