I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
