mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
