Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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