God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
