Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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