So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
