She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
