Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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