She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
