I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
