In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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