I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
