Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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