So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
