yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
