Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
