toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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