I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize