i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
