I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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