im drinking this country out of the recession.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
