I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
