haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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