This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
