At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
