careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
