Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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