Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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