you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
