dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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