I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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