she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
