I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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